There was a sense of time moving quickly, even though Evelyn wanted it to move slowly. The restaurant and bar were unusually busy for a Thursday night, so her six-hour shift was over well before she wanted it to be. Frank even sent her home a few minutes early and finished cleaning the bar himself. In the four years Evelyn had worked there, she could count on one hand how many times that had happened. Even with the crowds on the beach, the ride home took no time at all. She got over the bridges and through Pasadena with all green lights.

Evelyn took the stairs up to her apartment slowly, her mind combing over her thoughts for the day. Every time she thought she was close to a decision, her thoughts swung the other direction. First, she saw only negatives, then only positives. She wished all this could just be behind her, the decision made by someone else, so she wouldn’t have to carry the responsibility for it all. If only there was someone for her to talk to, to seek counsel from. There wasn’t much family to speak of in her life anymore, except her older brother. She didn’t think he could offer her much advice on whether to get an abortion or not.

There was that word again: abortion. Was it really an abortion, though? Taking a few pills and drinking them down with a glass of water didn’t sound like an abortion to her. An abortion was a medical procedure that required instruments and medication and a real baby, one that was way farther along than the fetus that was inside of her. The image on the ultrasound wasn’t anything like a baby, just a small circle of fluid and a dot on her uterus. How could getting rid of that be an abortion of a baby, the termination of a potential life?

Evelyn unlocked her front door tiredly, exhausted by the questions and the unknowns and the back-and-forth in her mind. She was ready to get this over with, to take the pills and be done. Then tomorrow all of this would be behind her, and she could return to her normal life. The apartment was dark and silent. Chelsea wasn’t home yet. She fixed herself a glass of water and put it on the bathroom counter in her room.

The pills were there waiting for her on the counter. Evelyn felt a heavy weight settle on her heart. She sat on top of the toilet lid and put her head in her hands. What if she just called Walker now and told him? He deserved to know, right? Then they could make the decision together and it wouldn’t all be on her. It wouldn’t all be her responsibility. If only he’d made one more effort to reach out to her. It had been four days since he’d reached out, and she told herself she would respond if he called or sent her another text, but he hadn’t. And maybe he wouldn’t. She didn’t blame him. How much rejection was one man supposed to accept before he gave up entirely? Calling him wouldn’t change anything anyway. It was highly possible that he’d already moved on and blocked her number.
Furthermore, it was better for him not to know, not to have to deal with the questions and uncertainty she was dealing with now.

The doctor’s visits were over. The prescription had been filled. The pills were paid for. All that was left was for her to take them and end this here and now.

Evelyn exhaled heavily and sat up. She grabbed the first blister pack of pills and read the instructions. Then she pressed them all out on the counter one by one. After taking the first four pills, she had to take four more in three hours, and then the final round three hours after that.
She gathered the first round of pills in one hand and studied them. Four small, white pills were all it took to start the abortion process. In six hours, it would all be over and there was nothing she could do to stop it or change her mind after that. If she knew who or what to pray to, she would have prayed then for an answer, for advice, for someone to tell her the right thing to do.

Was there anyone in her phone she could call that could convince her not to do this? Evelyn felt an overwhelming sense of dread, a weight on her heart that made her breathing shallow and uneven. She set the pills down on the bathroom counter and stood up. She started pacing the small room, considering her options. What was she doing? Ending a life? Stopping a life before it could even get started? Why? Just because it was difficult and she didn’t want to deal with the consequences of this one-night-stand with the farmer from Eastern Tennessee? Wasn’t the potential future life worth more than the six hundred dollars she’d spent on the doctor’s visits, ultrasound, and pills?

Evelyn went to her bedroom and grabbed her cell phone from her purse. She found Walker’s message from Monday morning when she’d been sitting in the abortion clinic. He was still thinking about her, still wishing her well. Didn’t he deserve a quick call or text? It was the least she could do, right? She slumped down on the edge of her bed and stared at the blank wall next to her bedroom door. What would it cost her to swallow those four pills, and then the four more, and the four after that? Did it matter? It wouldn’t cost her the future she’d been working toward for the last four and a half years of her life. It wouldn’t make her sacrifice her young, unmarred body to bring another life into this world. And it wouldn’t make her lose Walker, because she’d already done that on her own.

It was time to end this indecision and forge ahead with the choice she’d already made. The choice she’d made last weekend and on Monday, and then again on Wednesday when she’d picked up the pills. The choice she’d made this morning with Kayla there, and the choice she’d made when she pushed the pills out of the blister pack. It was time. No more questions, debating, or wondering. It was time to follow through.